A Poem by Baraa’h Qandeel/Suffocation
Suffocation
,I woke today, gasping for air
suffocated by all the tears I held back
last night
I compacted my pain, my fear, my dread, my sorrow
,until they all gathered inside me
.a fireball coiled up in my throat
,No way to spit it out
.No way to swallow
,It stays in place
,to make breathing a torment
,to add weight to the air
to turn every inbreath and outbreath
into agony that sears my chest, which
has become a crematorium for oxygen
How do I heal from all this
?when they’ve stoked this fire inside me
How does water find a path to me
?when water has become so scarce
How can I find rest and calm
?when everything has been stolen, and burned
How can I live, how can I survive
?when all that surrounds me is ash
All these questions
;don’t just pound against the walls of my mind
they ratchet up the heat and fuel my fire
,I will pour out all the questions now
,I will burn the question marks
and endure all this sizzling pain inside me
,until night fall
.when the cycle repeats, and I try to spit out my fire
-I will drive it out in tears, dampen it with screams
-leave it to my poor pillow’s embrace
I will spew all the remaining ash in the bin
Perhaps, I will drink two liters of clean water
,to wash my blackened lungs
,hoping my fire might die out
,my terror might calm
so, I can wake up one morning
able to cleanse my soul
without being defeated by the burning
…all over again
Source: ARABLIT QUARTERLY
Baraa’h Qandeel is a writer, poet, and a multi passionate from Gaza. She works in translation, marketing, and business development. Baraa’h loves reading and learning languages. She dreams of a better future that starts with a safe departure from Gaza and starting her MSc program in Marketing in Malaysia
:Help Baraa’h complete her Studies in Malaysia
